Wahid's Words

I am not okay. I'm in free fall. Since Wednesday, nothing has been right. I was given no time, no space to process. Thrown to the wolves that are finals and packing and moving out. For the first time in my life, I don't have the energy to cram all night for finals. For the first time, I am not satisfied with the 15 page paper I cranked out in 4 hours. For the first time, I experience a breakdown, where all my systems fail me and only my bed seems to offer any comfort. Am I even allowed to grieve for this? I was in my room. There was no threat to my safety in reality. But there was in those 3 hours. In those 3 hours, I had to think about the possibility of saying goodbye to this wonderful world, or some equally wonderful person that belongs in this world, to a firearm placed in someone's hand who has no business holding that firearm. It happened. Our school went into lockdown. I feared for the lives of my loved ones. I feared not teasing Baba again, not hugging Maa aga...