These words are not a revelation, and they are not original. The credit for arming me with this capacity for discourse goes to the eloquent women in my life and victims of any form of harassment in general. Thank you for sharing your stories and your feelings.
Content Warning: sexual assault, sexual harassment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are more Harvey Weinsteins in the world than not; this is fact. As men, we continuously contribute to a society where everyone that isn't born male, identifying and presenting male, feels threatened, because for generations upon generations, power structures have benefitted them for nothing other than the fact that they were born male and decided they were fulfilled remaining that way.
Social Media is powerful, proven by the #metoo campaign and its far-reaching range, roping in stories from individuals all over the globe that have experienced some form of sexual harassment or sexual assault. More often than not, men are culpable for A. knowingly and willingly committing the assault B. unknowingly committing the assault or C. staying silent in the face of another individual committing the assault. That it took over 40 women and some men to put themselves in danger of public ridicule, disbelief, and dismissal and name a media mogul as their sexual abuser to start a conversation regarding this practice reveals that sexual assault is ingrained in our brains, and only something catastrophic seems horrible; individual cases no longer bother us.
Clearly, this conversation is triggering to those that have had to endure any form of sexual harassment or rape. To those that are choosing to talk anyways, thank you for your courage; to those that aren't, I'm sorry for contributing to your experience and reasons for silence. But an important conversation nonetheless, I am grateful that it is happening. As a biological male, identifying and presenting as a man, it is so much more unlikely that I will ever experience an unwarranted sexual advancement. So it is not my place to comment on that experience, and I urge that you listen to the people (mostly women) who are voicing their own experiences.
But what I will shed some light on, which hopefully provides some clarity to those that are in shock at the volume of #metoo posts that have shown up on their social media platforms, is the scope of the conversation at hand.
1. If you do not understand how this surge of posts occurred, you are part of the problem. Listen, absorb, and try to learn how you can work to eradicate the lack of safety that currently exists.
2. All too often we hear the argument, "you can't punish people for being born with privilege." A variation of this includes, "we need to be careful to not punish men for being men." This creates a divide between the "bad" man, who commits sexual assault obviously, and the "good" man, those that do not assault. But this analysis on the actions of privileged people ignores their continued silence against those that are classified "bad." It is not enough to simply not assault; power structures for centuries have benefitted us in terms of our rights to vote, an education, serving in the armed forces, being employed by the government; if we are not actively trying to dismantle any situation that gives us power for simply being born a man, we are culpable, and we should be punished for that. This includes accepting to sit in panels with no women and never question it, but point out when a panel is mostly female as a "progressive statement." This includes not pointing out when a man interrupts a woman at a board meeting and steals her speech. This includes demanding a woman explain all the reasons she is refusing to go on a date with you, and not accepting "because I don't want to" as a reasonable answer. If you are committing any of these or countless other acts, you are responsible, and you should be held accountable.
3. If you are commenting on the experience of victims, either as a victim or as witness to a victim, please remember to include trans people, gender nonconforming/non-binary individuals as well. 1 in every 2 trans persons will experience a sexual assault in their lifetimes, making them the highest at-risk population for assault, yet they are the ones that lack the most representation, both in this conversation and pretty much any other. Which brings me to...
4. Remember intersectionality; while women are more perceptible to assault than men, even there, there is a distinction where women of color are more perceptible to sexual assault than their white counterparts, and trans women of color more so. We cannot eradicate sexual assault/harassment by simply talking about it through a white, gendered lens; we need to acknowledge how race, class, income bracket, also plays into how susceptible people are to being on the receiving end, and how the privileged in these same classifications are more likely to commit an assault and get away with it.
5. The most well-intentioned plea of them all by men around the world: "as a father, brother, husband, son to a daughter, sister, mother, wife" argument as to why assault shakes them to their core. Spoken with only positive intentions, this draws in the tried and tested method of making a personal connection to invoke some empathy. But this is an incorrect approach to participating in the conversation. First of all, women exist as more than identity extensions to the men in their lives-- by using this as your justification for being against assault, you are implying that if these women in your lives did not exist, then all other women would be doomed to your silence, since you have no personal stake in what happens to them. When in reality, as a human member of society, it is your responsibility to care about the wellbeing of all other individuals, regardless of your personal ties to them. Second of all, this view upholds the gender binary, excluding the vast numbers of sexual assault that occur against people that do not identify as either a man or a woman. If you believe sexual assault is wrong when committed against one person, you must believe that it is wrong against every person. Lastly, regardless of your relation to the victim, unless you are a victim, this is not your narrative, so stop speaking about how learning this information makes you feel. Your role in this conversation is to read, listen, understand the various physical and emotional effects that assault and the threat of assault has on those that are susceptible to it; to apologize for your complacency; to be vigilant moving forward in challenging and denouncing- unequivocally- sexual harassment of any kind, in the streets, the workplace, and at home (yes, this includes dinner-table rape jokes by your son, coworkers questioning another coworker's professionalism for wearing their hair naturally, and bosses joking about how the women on the board only made it for the sake of diversity).
These words are not a revelation, and they are not original. The credit for everything outlined above goes to the eloquent women in my life and victims of any form of harassment in general. Thank you for sharing your stories and your feelings. The intention of this post is to compile some of these things as a reminder both to myself and to those well-intentioned men that just simply don't know where to start. Now that you've started, the #metoo either on Twitter or Facebook is a great place to move forward.
Below the divider line, some resources.
Content Warning: sexual assault, sexual harassment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are more Harvey Weinsteins in the world than not; this is fact. As men, we continuously contribute to a society where everyone that isn't born male, identifying and presenting male, feels threatened, because for generations upon generations, power structures have benefitted them for nothing other than the fact that they were born male and decided they were fulfilled remaining that way.
Social Media is powerful, proven by the #metoo campaign and its far-reaching range, roping in stories from individuals all over the globe that have experienced some form of sexual harassment or sexual assault. More often than not, men are culpable for A. knowingly and willingly committing the assault B. unknowingly committing the assault or C. staying silent in the face of another individual committing the assault. That it took over 40 women and some men to put themselves in danger of public ridicule, disbelief, and dismissal and name a media mogul as their sexual abuser to start a conversation regarding this practice reveals that sexual assault is ingrained in our brains, and only something catastrophic seems horrible; individual cases no longer bother us.
Clearly, this conversation is triggering to those that have had to endure any form of sexual harassment or rape. To those that are choosing to talk anyways, thank you for your courage; to those that aren't, I'm sorry for contributing to your experience and reasons for silence. But an important conversation nonetheless, I am grateful that it is happening. As a biological male, identifying and presenting as a man, it is so much more unlikely that I will ever experience an unwarranted sexual advancement. So it is not my place to comment on that experience, and I urge that you listen to the people (mostly women) who are voicing their own experiences.
But what I will shed some light on, which hopefully provides some clarity to those that are in shock at the volume of #metoo posts that have shown up on their social media platforms, is the scope of the conversation at hand.
1. If you do not understand how this surge of posts occurred, you are part of the problem. Listen, absorb, and try to learn how you can work to eradicate the lack of safety that currently exists.
2. All too often we hear the argument, "you can't punish people for being born with privilege." A variation of this includes, "we need to be careful to not punish men for being men." This creates a divide between the "bad" man, who commits sexual assault obviously, and the "good" man, those that do not assault. But this analysis on the actions of privileged people ignores their continued silence against those that are classified "bad." It is not enough to simply not assault; power structures for centuries have benefitted us in terms of our rights to vote, an education, serving in the armed forces, being employed by the government; if we are not actively trying to dismantle any situation that gives us power for simply being born a man, we are culpable, and we should be punished for that. This includes accepting to sit in panels with no women and never question it, but point out when a panel is mostly female as a "progressive statement." This includes not pointing out when a man interrupts a woman at a board meeting and steals her speech. This includes demanding a woman explain all the reasons she is refusing to go on a date with you, and not accepting "because I don't want to" as a reasonable answer. If you are committing any of these or countless other acts, you are responsible, and you should be held accountable.
3. If you are commenting on the experience of victims, either as a victim or as witness to a victim, please remember to include trans people, gender nonconforming/non-binary individuals as well. 1 in every 2 trans persons will experience a sexual assault in their lifetimes, making them the highest at-risk population for assault, yet they are the ones that lack the most representation, both in this conversation and pretty much any other. Which brings me to...
4. Remember intersectionality; while women are more perceptible to assault than men, even there, there is a distinction where women of color are more perceptible to sexual assault than their white counterparts, and trans women of color more so. We cannot eradicate sexual assault/harassment by simply talking about it through a white, gendered lens; we need to acknowledge how race, class, income bracket, also plays into how susceptible people are to being on the receiving end, and how the privileged in these same classifications are more likely to commit an assault and get away with it.
5. The most well-intentioned plea of them all by men around the world: "as a father, brother, husband, son to a daughter, sister, mother, wife" argument as to why assault shakes them to their core. Spoken with only positive intentions, this draws in the tried and tested method of making a personal connection to invoke some empathy. But this is an incorrect approach to participating in the conversation. First of all, women exist as more than identity extensions to the men in their lives-- by using this as your justification for being against assault, you are implying that if these women in your lives did not exist, then all other women would be doomed to your silence, since you have no personal stake in what happens to them. When in reality, as a human member of society, it is your responsibility to care about the wellbeing of all other individuals, regardless of your personal ties to them. Second of all, this view upholds the gender binary, excluding the vast numbers of sexual assault that occur against people that do not identify as either a man or a woman. If you believe sexual assault is wrong when committed against one person, you must believe that it is wrong against every person. Lastly, regardless of your relation to the victim, unless you are a victim, this is not your narrative, so stop speaking about how learning this information makes you feel. Your role in this conversation is to read, listen, understand the various physical and emotional effects that assault and the threat of assault has on those that are susceptible to it; to apologize for your complacency; to be vigilant moving forward in challenging and denouncing- unequivocally- sexual harassment of any kind, in the streets, the workplace, and at home (yes, this includes dinner-table rape jokes by your son, coworkers questioning another coworker's professionalism for wearing their hair naturally, and bosses joking about how the women on the board only made it for the sake of diversity).
These words are not a revelation, and they are not original. The credit for everything outlined above goes to the eloquent women in my life and victims of any form of harassment in general. Thank you for sharing your stories and your feelings. The intention of this post is to compile some of these things as a reminder both to myself and to those well-intentioned men that just simply don't know where to start. Now that you've started, the #metoo either on Twitter or Facebook is a great place to move forward.
Below the divider line, some resources.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Action items compiled by Nicole Silverman, an editor at Reductress (some of these are mentioned in point #2).
The Gender Unicorn, compiled by Trans Student Education Resources, that provides clarification on terms regarding sex assigned at birth, gender identity, gender expression/presentation, sexual orientation, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction.
The origins of the Me Too campaign, started by a black woman named Tarana Burke 10 years ago.
Action items compiled by Nicole Silverman, an editor at Reductress (some of these are mentioned in point #2).
The Gender Unicorn, compiled by Trans Student Education Resources, that provides clarification on terms regarding sex assigned at birth, gender identity, gender expression/presentation, sexual orientation, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction.
The origins of the Me Too campaign, started by a black woman named Tarana Burke 10 years ago.
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