I know, I know. Cliche titles don't indicate creativity or intellectualism. But sometimes, you gotta rely on cliches to get your point across.
Anyways, it only seems fitting, as a blogger (if you can call me that; haven't quite achieved the title I don't think), that I say a few eloquent (?) words about the year that just passed.
This was, quite honestly, the most eventful year of my life. And still, after 2 weeks of nothing but reflection, I don't know whether or not it was mostly for the good or the bad.
I committed to my dream school. I prepared to move coast to coast, readying myself to move my life up once again, but this time, only by myself, without any piece of home except a few clothes and toiletries. I said goodbye to Maryland, and the house I called a home for more than 4 years. I went to Prom, single-handedly the best night of my life (Audrey, you are a gem) (so are the rest of you that know who you are, but like, come on, she was my date. That deserves the most special shout-out, yeah?). I lost the person I called best friend for 4 years. Stirred up drama, got in fights, had motivational talks, blah, blah (this line was dedicated to the usuals that surround every year). More significantly, my Hate List almost doubled in size, which would seem impossible to anyone that knows me. But my love for the people I love also doubled, and I'd like to think that balances it out, yeah? I turned 18, which didn't seem like such a big deal to me ever, but according to how my life has turned out after acquiring that number, I'd say, yeah, being 18 is a huge deal. I packed my life into 3 suitcases, and waved to my family from the bottom steps of an escalator that carried me away to the rest of my life. And all this, before college happened.
College happening was a beautiful thing. It was an overwhelming, and stressful, and positive and fun and exciting and dark and ridiculously entertaining and literally any adjective that you can insert here as a description of any emotion will fit here in this space because that is really what college is. Baes, I love you all, dearly (even the ones that despise this term; this is directed even more so at you). Without encountering my wonderful roommates, suitemates, and floormates, life wouldn't be half as exciting as it has been. I've come to accept that being a nerd is a-okay, getting excited about old Disney shows and songs from the Cheetah Girls is highly encouraged and singing along to songs that say "f**k you" to society (Blank Space waddup) is a downright necessity. I've learned that sorority girls are the best cheerleaders, swimmers are the best body-rollers, girls with fake red hair and a love for the color of blood are weird af but also lovable as hell, people with screwed up pasts are the strongest individuals, world travelers speak the best human, privileged white boys are not void of empathy and/or intelligence, RAs are super interesting if you get to know them, the names Ha(i)ley and Nicole are only assigned to people that you can't help but adore, and that people are basically anomalies. And I mean that in the best possible way.
But honestly, it hasn't been rainbows and butterflies since college started. For 4+ years, I got used to not having "issues" to deal with. The reason why i can get so invested in people is because of the lack of problems that infest my own life. I've been blessed beyond imagination, with a family that loves me, friends that have my back, skills that Allah has given me (like my organization skills, writing abilities, fashion sense, watchful eye, hawk-like ears that spot drama from miles away, persuasive tongue, and the list goes on and on [I know, right? How can one person possess ALL of these incredible qualities? I'm special.]) and the opportunities that have presented themselves to me that have allowed me to achieve anything that I have achieved.
--Sorry, that was long, I went off on a bit of a tangent praising myself-- But, after coming here, and being, essentially, on my own, without a single of my constants (this concept of constants is something I will be exploring in one of my future posts, hopefully) present to help guide me through this new universe, I've realized that surviving is extremely taxing. I'm used to being a semi-member of multiple groups, each of which consist of mostly pseudo-normal people hiding their problems and one or two people that are actually willing to talk about their issues. The thing that hit hardest adjusting to college is just how vocal everyone is about their issues. Obviously, I know that as humans, everyone has problems. Major problems. And that all problems are just as overbearing as all the other ones. But since only the most self-aware, intellectually elite humans come to the college I am attending, everyone here is also very much in touch with what it is that breaks them, and they are not shy or awkward when discussing them. And I am not used to being surrounded by everyone who is at the exact same level as I am, be it in terms of self awareness, eloquence or anything else.
In addition, things have also happened to me, as is expected, things which I most obviously do not feel then need to share on a platform which is accessible by literally anybody.
I did not intend for this to be this long. To sum up: 2014 has been a clusterf**k. Of emotions, experiences, interactions and thoughts. It's been heavy, and hard, and taxing. It's also been rewarding, and stimulating and enlightening. I've let go of many things, grabbed on to many new ones. Maybe the losses were more in quantity, but the gains were more in quality.
I'm going to finish off this post on a positive note, but still keeping in line with the pseudo-philosophical tone of the contents above. Here is a link to a song by OneRepublic titled "I Lived" which many people have probably heard. Here is another link, to the longer, video version of this song. In that, you can learn a little more about how important this song actually is and why.
To 2014, I'd like to say, I Lived.
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