Figments | Changes

Changes

All of these changes 

But I'm here to tell you 

Don't be afraid

There's a bird chirping somewhere in the distance. At least that's what she thinks she hears. Her ears are still ringing from last night. This hotel room is unfamiliar, but it's not like this is the first time that's happened. What was last night's destination? Maybe that one place by that other place? Who gives a crap? She has to get home and get ready for that thing. Home. What a joke.

Just like a sunrise 

The light of a new day 

Step out of the darkness 

And let it show you the way

Ah, there it is. The sun, her favorite companion. Fuck the sun. Stalker. "Oh! What a beautiful day!" exclaims an old ass white lady wearing a sun dress that looked all too flattering for a woman her age. Meanwhile, here's our subject, looking like she just stumbled out of a bar at 3 a.m. There's no time to think about how she looks now, there's work to be done.

Nobody knows 

Nobody cares 

Whether you live or love in vain 

Nobody knows 

Nobody cares from where you came 

Life's little game 

As she reaches home, there's a distinct sound of a child giggling as if all was okay in the world. He should know that there wasn't a damn thing that was okay in the world. She'd make sure that the boy would know that. The world wasn't about sunshine and rainbows and butterflies. And what if it was? What then? Who in the bloody hell defined that those were the things that were beautiful, those were the things we were supposed to admire? Why are we not admiring the trashcans filled with rotting banana peels and torn up pieces of clothing? 

Changes 

All of these changes 

Not making it easy 

To say what I mean 

The door is, obviously, creaking as it opens, ready to fall down at any moment. Everything in the house- constant state of repair. Door? That's a different story. The house was already filling up, the relatives there to show their "support" for their loss. Any of them barely ever came to visit. Except Earnest and Dwayne. They showed up way too often. It was kind of a pain in the ass but kind of nice at the same time. Anyways, our subject needed to get dressed for the occasion. You know how in those novels, the girl comes creeping back in the wee hours of the morning and sneaks into her room because she doesn't want anyone to see her in a dismantled state? Yeah, our subject was about to throw it in the faces of all of these fake sympathizers that she was disheveled, broken. If they were going to offer up their condolences, they were going to damn well know what they were feeling sorry for. She stalked up the stairs without pleasantries to go find a dress. Pleasantries were reserved for pleasant circumstances. 

But now I've got your love 

Taking on my love 

Filling the spaces 

Left in between you and me 

Before entering her room, she decides to check in on how the kid is doing. She has to. There he was, lying on his bed with his phone over his face, close enough that there would be no impact if it were to fall. Her banana peel in a world of dainty little girls dancing around in the sun, this child meant more to her than she would probably ever admit. The one thing in the world capable of making her laugh until her stomach hurt. "It's time to go, Jamie," she said in the most somber tone she could muster. This wasn't a sad occasion- it was pathetic, really. He got up, walked over to her, took her hand, and started walking. "I have to change!" she protested. "But you look like a storm, Al," he replied.

Nobody knows 

Nobody cares 

Whether you live or love in vain 

Nobody knows 

Nobody cares from where you came 

Life's little game

They walked down the stairs to the now-full living room, to the funeral service held for their mother, courtesy of Earnest. She looked as detestable as ever. Alice could swear she was judging her, even from inside that decorated coffin she didn't deserve. "If you present yourself like this, no man will ever respect you. Good for them, at least they wont have to deal with the consequences of you destroying their lives, like you destroyed mine." She looked at Jamie- and every time she looked, she knew she was making the right choice of giving up life as she knew it. Her nightmare of a mother had, for whatever reason, given Alice custody of her little brother. If she knew one thing, it was that she would not screw up her brother like her mother had screwed her. She didn't know how she would ensure his successful future. She knew what she wouldn't do. She wouldn't tell him that everything in the world was alright and everything wrong was because of something he did. She wouldn't let him hurt others, and she damn well wouldn't let him hurt himself. She would try her best, and she would let him know that that was all she was capable of doing, was trying her best.
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I thought I'd post something a little different this time around. The lyrics are from the song "Changes" by the incredibly talented singer/songwriter/musician Jack Savoretti. I'd highly suggest giving it a listen.

Thanks for reading!