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Reflections | Orienting Goals

At the conclusion of training for HGRs/RAs, they took us to a closing ceremony followed by a barbecue. They provided a 4-sided black board and many colored chalks. On each side, the same prompt: "Before I graduate, I would like to ____."
Everyone took a chalk, filled something in, smiled as they read the various things written (my favorite? "Find BAE." I feel).

But as I stood there, electric blue chalk in my hand, members of my staff looking on urging me to write something so we could leave the heat, I was blank. I literally had nothing to put on that board.

I could go generic, talk about finding love, boosting my GPA, finding a great internship, become fit, all of that jazz that ya'll probably associate with me and the likes. But as I stood there thinking, what did I really want to accomplish for myself? Something that's unique to me, that I can check off my list and go "I did that and the reason I did that wasn't because it was expected or predicted or necessary"? What did I crave that I craved simply for myself, just for the thrill of doing it?

I've been ticked off all day because these are questions I do not have the answer to. My life goes along mostly smoothly. I say yes to almost any new activity thrown at me (example: attempting to climb a wooden pole to stand up on it with no handles even though I'm deathly afraid of heights; I freaked out along the way and didn't reach the top, shocker!).

 But, I did it anyways. I like new experiences, I like to have fun, chase adrenaline, take advantage of opportunities.

Could it be that since I do live life pretty fully and have been successful thus far, I don't really crave anything? That I'm not even the slightest bit curious about something that I truly don't have the guts to attempt to accomplish? (That was a little jumbled, apologies)

I'm confused, ya'll. I mean, I want success, I want to look good, I want to be the best at everything. But those are all expected from me. How predictable are those goals, honestly?
I really need to do some soul searching and figure out what it is that I don't have, but want. Specifically, what about all the things this amazing college, this incredible city, has to offer me? What do I want to try before graduation (which is in 3 years, so I have time to figure this out)? But at the same time, it does need to happen, and the next time I get to do some of that soul-searching, I'll definitely try to figure it out.

Hope you all are doing well. Shoot me a message if I haven't checked in with you in a while.
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