Skip to main content

Reflections | Orienting Goals

At the conclusion of training for HGRs/RAs, they took us to a closing ceremony followed by a barbecue. They provided a 4-sided black board and many colored chalks. On each side, the same prompt: "Before I graduate, I would like to ____."
Everyone took a chalk, filled something in, smiled as they read the various things written (my favorite? "Find BAE." I feel).

But as I stood there, electric blue chalk in my hand, members of my staff looking on urging me to write something so we could leave the heat, I was blank. I literally had nothing to put on that board.

I could go generic, talk about finding love, boosting my GPA, finding a great internship, become fit, all of that jazz that ya'll probably associate with me and the likes. But as I stood there thinking, what did I really want to accomplish for myself? Something that's unique to me, that I can check off my list and go "I did that and the reason I did that wasn't because it was expected or predicted or necessary"? What did I crave that I craved simply for myself, just for the thrill of doing it?

I've been ticked off all day because these are questions I do not have the answer to. My life goes along mostly smoothly. I say yes to almost any new activity thrown at me (example: attempting to climb a wooden pole to stand up on it with no handles even though I'm deathly afraid of heights; I freaked out along the way and didn't reach the top, shocker!).

 But, I did it anyways. I like new experiences, I like to have fun, chase adrenaline, take advantage of opportunities.

Could it be that since I do live life pretty fully and have been successful thus far, I don't really crave anything? That I'm not even the slightest bit curious about something that I truly don't have the guts to attempt to accomplish? (That was a little jumbled, apologies)

I'm confused, ya'll. I mean, I want success, I want to look good, I want to be the best at everything. But those are all expected from me. How predictable are those goals, honestly?
I really need to do some soul searching and figure out what it is that I don't have, but want. Specifically, what about all the things this amazing college, this incredible city, has to offer me? What do I want to try before graduation (which is in 3 years, so I have time to figure this out)? But at the same time, it does need to happen, and the next time I get to do some of that soul-searching, I'll definitely try to figure it out.

Hope you all are doing well. Shoot me a message if I haven't checked in with you in a while.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Perspectives | On Therapy

I am grateful to my therapist and to myself that I embarked on this journey. There is no shame in me accepting this opportunity to grow, and I will add increasing mental health service access to my long list of contributions I want to make to this world before I meet my maker.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hey ya'll! I'm going to try a new posting schedule for my blog, once a week. This is because 1. I love writing and almost never do it without being prompted and 2. my therapist tells me routines are good. Overview Speaking of therapy, let's speak. I started going to therapy when I was a Junior in college, coming off of the 2016 presidential election. Born and raised in Bangladesh, where mental health is not a topic worthy of being discussed, I was not taught to think of myself as someone who "needed" therapy. This kind of thought process stems from social conditioning, which makes us feel like if we are not capable of dea...
Post a Comment
Read more

Reflections | It's All About Perspective

How do you define reality? Do we dictate what is real? Determine each and every component of our existence, debate, dwindle, and finally decide which parts are real and what is fantasy? Is it all real, and we just label fantasy that which we do not have the ability to cope with/comprehend? I've been having the best time at college. These past few days have been some of the most precious of my life, and I've encountered so many dynamic, energetic, curious and intelligent students, all of them equally as enthusiastic about calling this amazing University their home. Today, on the way back from a massive volunteering project, a few of us had a discussion on Literature. We talked everything from Shakespeare, to classics, to Dan Brown, all the way to The Hunger Games and Divergent. We talked about what actually makes literature one of the elements that holds society together, and the immense amount of creativity and dedication that is required to create world after world. CA...
Post a Comment
Read more

Perspectives | Midterms, Minorities, and Myths

It's only been 2 years, since both houses of Congress and the Executive Branch began an all-out war on human rights and diversity. This is going to be a fight we're going to be fighting for a long time to come, so encouraging a narrative of defeat is absolutely detrimental to the cause. We took back a House, and at least 7 governor seats (2 more too, hopefully). That's progress, even when we don't look at the sheer diversity of the candidates that got elected. I'm going to celebrate these wins, because people like us rarely ever get to do so.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You can't take my youth away. This soul of mine will never break. As long as I wake up today, You can't take my youth away. Shawn Mendes and Khalid just released their video for the song Youth, which includes messages of hope, love, and perseverance, interspersed with videos of the youth in all their spectacularly talented glory. It's linked he...
Post a Comment
Read more