Hey ya'll!
A while back, I made this post, that explores, very briefly, the dilemma that exists between conversing from the point of view of a person who has had significant exposure to the myriad of possible identities in the world and bringing this information to conversations with people who have grown up in an ethnically and linguistically homogeneous society. One of the topics I touched on was the idea that fair skin is a precursor to a truly beautiful woman, in the eyes of the everyday Bangladeshi.
This paragraph started a conversation between myself and a dear friend. At my urging, she decided to write a response to the post. As a woman of color, this friend is much better equipped and adept at talking about this unique struggle of the vain pursuit of "achieving" beauty— aka fair-skin.
Without more rambling from me, here is this beautifully raw piece of writing. Hopefully you leave understanding her struggle— as well as the struggle of many Southeast Asian women- a little bit better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Just a Little Intro from Me ~
So… I have never written a blog post before to be quite
honest. As a matter of fact, this response originated from me ranting in a
Facebook message to Wahid because of the accuracy of his previous post. Just
like Wahid, I am Bangladeshi, but I was born and raised in Southern California.
Despite that, I still had a strict, conservative upbringing compared to many of
my other American Desi friends and colleagues. A quick precautionary note: What you shall read in this post is a
general outlook of a situation because there are always exceptions.
Generally
in the western world when people think of various skin colors, they think of
different races or ethnicities. For example, most people consider Indians or
others of South Asian descent to be quite brown or dark-skinned. However, the
South Asian region is a very diverse area where one can be as a white as a
Scandinavian or dark as someone from Africa. Although I am proud of such
diversity amongst the South Asian nations, it creates a harsh division amongst
my people. This diversity which we should embrace instead creates
discrimination based on skin color. It divides us into categories which should
have never been constituted to exist, especially when we speak the same
language, eat the same foods, and have the same traditions.
Traditions.
In fact, that is the main problem… As much as I propose to
remember one’s roots and value one’s culture, the traditional stigma of “being
fair” as a quality of beauty needs to be eradicated. For this past month, I
have been traveling around Spain, and for those of you who do not know, the
country is experiencing the worst heat wave in forty years. My time in Spain
equates to walking around a lot on foot, resting at the beach, and checking out
monumental wonders. However, you know what all this also means? It means I am getting tanner. I am one
of those people whose skin color can vary between several shades of brown to
light brown and etc. Sadly, my mother hates this. Instead of being told to wear
a hat or sunscreen to protect myself from skin cancer, a.k.a. dying, I am told
to do these to stay fair to attract good marriage deals. After constantly
hearing that “fair-skin” or “milky skin” is considered the most beautiful
amongst my community ever since I was young, there were instances where I hated
my own skin color and secretly wished I were fairer.
As much as I love my mother, I know that once I come back to
the States, she will comment on my darker complexion and immediately try to
recommend me some lemon, turmeric, and yogurt masks to fade the tan. There have
even been several occasions in my SoCal Bangali community where I would hear
Bangali aunties saying that dark girls do not get good husbands. I absolutely abhor the idea that a darker
complexion would be considered such an unsightly quality in my community where
we all share the same cultural identity. What is even worse is that 95%
of the time this affects only females. Often times it does not matter if the
guy is dark, for if he has a good job, makes decent money, and comes from a
respectable family — it is okay. As a result, it is not uncommon to a see
dark-skinned male marrying a fair female because it is simply a norm where
women are objectified and treated as machines to continue the bloodline of the
family with the female’s fair, “favorable” traits.
Despite my mother’s foreshadowed comments and attempts to
return me to my original skin tone, I do not blame her for them because this
ideology of being forsha, “fair-skinned”,
is one that has been ingrained amongst South Asians for literally thousands of
years ever since the arrival of the lighter-skinned Aryans in Indian
sub-continent. It is something our community is constantly reminded of not only
by the murubbi, “the elders”, but through the media as well. Everywhere in
Bangladesh I witnessed advertisements and commercials for Fair & Lovely — a
“skin-whitening” cream. Although it clearly does not work, the company still
makes millions because people are that desperate to do anything that might
lighten their skin tone at least a little. (FYI: All that the cream does is put
a white cast from the cream over one’s skin.) South Asian entertainment such as
Bollywood continues to be one of the largest proponents of encouraging the
“fair-skinned” propaganda, for our entertainment industry is dominated by
lighter-skinned models and actresses — even idolizing them.
Unfortunately, my mother too is the victim of this
disgusting “tradition”. Due to recent ailments and all the medication she has
been taking, my mother’s skin color has drastically changed the past ten years
to become very dark. When she has those small periods where she lightens a
little, some aunties from my community would compliment her. Even before her
skin color changed, she was still darker compared to my father who would be
considered forsha, especially when he
was younger. Due to this match between my father and mother, several Bangali
aunties have told my mom how “lucky” she was to have been married to such a fair-skinned
man despite the stark difference in their skin tones. Now do you see why it
continues to persist even amongst the Bangali diaspora community? Yep. Pretty
f*cked up, but that is the reality among my people because we are living in
constant reminders of customs from the past.
Although several others and I may rant about this forever,
change will not come so soon. Yes, some may argue that white people are
sometimes pressured to have that glowing tan, but do you ever hear of guys not
thinking a girl is beautiful because she is too pale? Do you ever hear parents
rejecting their son’s girlfriend or fiancée because she is too white? No, you
do not. It enrages me because it should not be a quality that should not have
to be considered to begin with. Why must skin color especially amongst my OWN
people be considered an aesthetic attribute?!
Changing a tradition which has been implanted in our people
for thousands of years will not come so easily. It is only till recent times that we have seen a minuscule but widespread shift from the norm, but it first
has to start with all of us facing the fact that this ideology is completely
wrong and outdated. Our people are too hesitant to any idea of change and
disturbing the status quo… Especially in Bangladesh where I have firsthand
experienced the much too apparent patriarchal system. Such a practice will take
generations to fade off, but it needs to begin with educating the young and
having adults accept the truth that skin color does not define who one is, for
they are the strongest influences on the new generations. If these parents and
other adults do not face the truth, then they are not only preventing the
social advancement of their children but for society as a whole. I may continue
on and on about this rant since it is not something that can be explained
solely in one blog post, nor is there only one solution…
But…
PSA: Anti-blackness in our community needs to stop. We have
had enough victims already.
Comments
Post a Comment